Last week we talked about structural
rewriting for your new manuscript. This week we’ll begin rewriting on the
sentence level, sometimes called line editing when you get someone else to do
it. This means it’s time to set theory aside and focus on the mechanics.
Hopefully you’ve had others read your
draft. They can spot on thing you are not likely to: words and phrases you overuse.
Over time you’ll develop a list of such words. My list includes suddenly, good,
very, just and not quite. When you know what yours are you can search for them
and replace them with greater variety.
Now read through your work and look for
clichés. Sometimes it will seem that something did happen in the nick of time,
or that “diamond in the rough” is the best way to describe a character. But in
truth, a phrase everyone has heard before is never the best choice. Either cut
such phrases or change them. Sometimes replacing one word in a cliché will make
your sentence seem very fresh. Describing a woman as a rare opal in the rough
might make a reader consider what that might really mean.
You’ll want to examine every sentence for
unnecessary words. If a word (or a phrase, or a sentence) can be deleted
without affecting the story flow, get rid of it.
My next step is to seek out passive
writing. I’m looking for examples like this:
“It
was reported today that policy was not followed during the recent
election. Mistakes were made. Excuses will be given. And we have been assured that appropriate
punishment will be meted out.”
You
may have seen something of the sort in your local newspaper. You may even be wondering what’s wrong with
it. This kind of bureaucratic, stilted
language is common in government circles.
It’s called passive language, which just means that instead of leading
the sentence with the subject you begin with the object. Most of your sentences
should be in active construction – John hit the ball – as opposed to passive - the
ball was hit by John. The problem with passive writing is it’s easy to lose the
subject entirely. In the sentence
“Mistakes were made” the mistakes are the OBJECT. But who made them? Maybe this is why politicians
and government workers often write this way. But I want my fiction to be clearer
than that.
There’s
more to be done during the write, but that’s a start.